Misguided Longings

Yesterday I was out for a walk with a friend. Exploring and admiring God's creation, we were sharing with each other things that our Heavenly Father has been teaching us. Somehow we got on the topic of longings. What are they? Where do they come from? How do we fulfill them?

Both being single gals, we discussed our longings for constant companionship. My friend shared about a time in particular that she was watching the sunset and the thought crossed her mind: "It would sure be nice if I had someone beside me to experience this moment with."

This is a longing I can all-too-often identify with. It a longing that comes when I'm in a room full of couples who are snuggled up with one another, and I notice the empty spot beside me; it's a longing that strikes when I get home from a stressful day of work and only wish I had someone waiting for me at home with whom I could unload the woes of my day on; it's a longing that overwhelms me when I once more watch a friend walk down the aisle to the love of her life or when my Facebook newsfeed is flooded by posts about someone getting engaged or someone expecting a baby. (Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to complain, get sympathy, or discourage anyone from posting pictures of your babies on Facebook! In fact, it brings me great joy to see my friends experience these things! I love weddings and I love my friend's babies... but the joy that I feel for them does not dissipate my own longings for these things).

Many times satan has used these longings to drive me to guilt, despair, and anger; guilt that I even have these longings in the first place; despair because these longings seem to go unfulfilled; and eventually this guilt and despair give birth to anger, anger because I buy into the lie that a loving God would give me a longing for something that He constantly seems to leave unsatisfied.

I've been stuck at this disheartening place for a while. It has caused me to pull away from God in shame that I would be feeling these things when I know deep down that God is good and He is loving.

But in God's mercy, not only does He know I've been struggling with this shame, He's also been actively pursuing me so that I may come to the knowledge of the TRUTH. He used my friend yesterday evening to reveal just enough of that truth so that the guilt, despair, and anger that I have been hiding behind could begin to fall away.

The life-giving truth came not in the first thing she said; it came in the words that followed:

"I realized in that moment... that what I was actually longing for was God himself, for  restoration back to Him, for His perfect beauty" 

Tears welled up in my eyes as she spoke these sweet words of truth and my heart began to sing.

All this time, my longings have been misguided, causing me to believe a two-fold lie: these longings are for earthly things and can, therefore, be satisfied by earthly things. 

We read in God's Word....

"My soul is consumed with longing for your rules at all times"

                                                                                  Psalm 119:20

"My soul longs for you in the night, my spirit within me

earnestly seeks you"

                                                                                 Isa 26:9

"My soul longs for your salvation; I hope in your word"

                                                                         Psalm 119:81

"As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul

for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God"

                                                                             Psalm 42:1-2

"My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the LORD;

my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God"

                                                                          Psalm 84:2

These longings I have are actually for something more, for something eternally beautiful, for something heavenly. It's a longing that God himself placed within me, and it's a longing that only God himself can satisfy. Not only that, but also, whether we recognize it or not, we are always longing for God. Our soul and spirit are created to long for God. In fact, so much so, that we are consumed by these longings. 

My spirit longs for God like my thirsty mouth longs for water. It's how God designed me, intentionally designed me, that I may find Him. I cannot escape these longings.

In the night when I go to bed lonely, when I am most vulnerable, my soul and spirit are actually crying out for God.

In moments when I am consumed by a desire to have a companion to share the beauty of a moment with, my soul and spirit are actually longing for the eternal beauty of God, for an unbroken and unhindered relationship with Him, a relationship that Adam and Eve experienced with God in the garden right before sin entered the world. 

Yes, sin broke that perfect relationship, leaving us with a constant longing. But we are not without hope, for from the moment Adam and Eve sinned, God asked man 

"Where are you?"

and He's been asking us that question ever since. 

It's within this question that we discover:

                                      not only are we are longing for God, but He, too, is longing for us!

Oh, what beauty and what joy at this thought! As we cry out to God in our loneliness "Where are you, God?!" He is asking us the very same question! 

And so we need to stop trying to suppress these longings in a feeble attempt to numb ourselves from the guilt, despair, and anger that these longings so often create. 

Instead, we need to acknowledge where these longings come from, who they are truly made for, and how they can ultimately be satisfied. We need to acknowledge that He longs for us too!

It's only when my longing for Him and His longing for me

                                         collide 

                                                                                         that I can truly be satisfied! 

Yes, it's in this beautiful, messy collision that we find our soul and spirit can be truly satisfied.

As I am praying that I will begin to understand my longings more fully, I pray that you, too, will more fully understand yours. 

Be filled with his love and grace, my sweet friends.