What are You Waiting For?

The wilderness.... 

A place that makes us uncomfortable and anxious. A place where Satan is quick to tempt us to doubt God's plan.  A place where we so easily sin in order to satisfy the hunger and thirst in our souls. We find ourselves here when God asks us to leave something behind, but He has not yet brought us to where we are going. We find ourselves here when we fervently pray for something, but God is not answering our requests according to our timetable.

What are you waiting for?

Maybe it's a promotion at work, a house to sell, a wayward child to come back home, a broken relationship to be reconciled, direction on who to marry, financial provision to start a project, a family member or friend to be saved, healing for a sickness or disease,  or mending of a broken heart...  Whatever it may be, during these in-between-seasons, we often wonder if God hears our prayers or if He cares about us at all.

I know this discouragement because I have been there. In many ways, I am there right now. There are things in my life I believe God has promised to me that are yet to be fulfilled.  I am thankful for God's word that gives us perfect guidance on what and what not to do when we find ourselves at this place. Looking to the example of the Israelites in the Old Testament during their 40 years in the wilderness before entering the Promised Land,  we see how sin and rebellion caused them to miss out on God's greatest blessings. There are 2 obvious sins that the Israelites commit while in the wilderness that I will point out, because I believe these two examples sum up almost entirely the reactions we are all prone to have when we find ourselves in the wilderness season's of our own lives.


1) They grumble and complain and wish that God had let them stay in Egypt (aka Bondage)

“The whole congregation of the sons of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness. Would that we had died by the hand of the LORD in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the meat pots and ate bread to the full, for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.” (Exodus 16:2-3)

Why would He bring them this far only to let them die of hunger?! Don't we ask ourselves the same thing. Why would God put this dream/desire in my heart if he is never going to fulfill it?! Why would God lay this person on my heart to pray for if He is never going to answer us?! We ask  ourselves these questions, because we don't believe that God is going to provide a way FOR US. We are foolish to think that while we wait on God to act, He has somehow forgotten us. That is not the God of the bible.

2) They turn to idolatry.

The people gathered themselves together to Aaron and said to him, “Up, make us gods who shall go before us. As for this Moses, the man who brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him...“These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt!” Exodus 32:2;4

 

Before you are quick to judge the obvious idolatry of the Israelites, look into your own heart. We do the same thing. We are quick to forget that it is God who has delivered us from our life of sin and bondage in the first place. Rather than letting the hunger and thirst drive us towards God, we charge ahead and make our own way. Instead of patiently waiting in the wilderness to see how God will make this all work out, we turn to the idols of our heart and try to fulfill our desires/dreams in our own way through sinful means. We put ourselves back in the very bondage that God delivered us from!

They failed to understand that the trials and the hunger and thirsting served a purpose. It pointed them to their greater need and God glorified His own name through his miraculous provisions (Deut 8:18). Ultimately, because of their sin and rebellion,  a whole generation missed out on entering the Promised Land (Numbers 14:20-23). That should serve us a huge warning to us. What we do with our time in the wilderness has consequences. We can choose to grumble and complain and turn to idolatry, or we can walk in obedience and trust God to provide for us in his good and perfect timing. What does this look like practically for us? Using God's word, I have come up with some suggestions.

Don't turn around!  If God has called you to move forward with something, move forward!! Satan will tempt you to look back and long for the "fullness" you had before you came to the wilderness. But remember, God is bringing you to something BETTER. Trust the process! Be persistent in prayer! (Romans 12:12)

Don't fear the wilderness Sometimes in the midst of the wilderness, we are tempted to find the easiest and quickest way out or beg God to completely take us around it, but then we would completely miss the lessons that God is trying to teach us. Let Him take you through it. Let Him refine you, even when it hurts!  (Job 23:10; 1 Peter 5:10)

Be obedient in the small things. Do not expect God to do a miracle for you when you aren't walking according to his Word right where He has you. God expects obedience 100% of the time, regardless of our circumstances. The wilderness is not an excuse to stop serving and loving God with our whole hearts. (Luke 16:10)

Resist the temptation to satisfy your needs through your own means, leading to sin and idolatry. This happens so easily. God isn't satisfying your desire for a spouse, so you turn to pornography and ungodly relationships. Sex becomes a god. God isn't giving you the breakthrough you need in your career to earn a greater income, so you turn to gambling and dishonest ways of earning money. Money becomes a god. You experience loneliness, so you turn to food or shopping or excessive exercise to fill the void in your heart. These all become gods. This is idolatry. (Ex 20:3)

 Thank God for all he has done and will do. We are to present our requests with thanksgiving. Don't expect the peace of God to come over you if you are failing to thank God while you are still in the wilderness. The peace that surpasses all understanding is only a promise to those who make supplication with praise and thanksgiving. (Phil 4:6-7).

Expect provisions in unexpected ways. God made manna fall from heaven and water flow from a rock (Isaiah 48:21; Ps 78:24) Don't underestimate your God! He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He is sovereign over all mankind and all creation. He can move the mountain and part the sea that is standing in your way!
 
Don't trust your feelings. Trust in God's character as revealed in the Scriptures. Whether you "feel" God near or not, He is with you.  Just as Yahweh was with the Israelites in the wilderness guiding them and going before them (Deut 31:6), the Holy Spirit is with you guiding you, helping you, and teaching you (John 14:26).

Most importantly, keep your eyes on Jesus. He is the author and finished of your faith! He is the one who will enable you to run with endurance and finish the race (Heb 12:2).
 

 Whether you find yourself at the start, at the end, or somewhere in the middle of a wilderness season, I encourage you to continue to trust and walk in obedience. We serve a good God! Satan wants to use this season to crush you, discourage you, and distract you. God wants to use this season to strengthen you, refine you, and draw you to Himself. Christ has already given you the victory over whatever you are facing! Move forward with boldness and faith!

*It wasn't that long ago that I went through a season of severe drought in my own life. It was painful. I watched so many things in my life that I had worked for crumble before my eyes. I felt as though I was being stripped from the inside out. There were many times when I begged God to "get me out" or "take the pain away." But he so lovingly whispered to me There is no way around this. You must go through this so you can receive the blessings that I have for you on the other side. Did I like this answer? Absolutely not, but I knew that to take the easy way out would cause me to forfeit whatever it was God was trying to teach me. Instead, I chose to submit and my prayer became God whatever it takes, keep me here. Every time I'm tempted to run from you, bring me to my knees in surrender. God heard my prayer and lovingly guided me through every tearful breakdown, every fist-pounding moment of anger and grief, and every moment of wanting to completely take off and run in the opposite direction of where He was taking me.  As I waited on God the treasures began to grow, the anger subsided, and submission became easier.  I had peace in my heart. I understood God's love for me in a way that I never had before. The pain and grief I experienced during this season was very real, but beauty rose from the ashes. I'm so glad that God took me through this wilderness and not around it.  He is faithful! (You can read more about this story here).*

I Won't Stand By

I won't stand by
    and watch a world full of darkness spiral into despair
    with hands reaching out for rescue
    when I know the One who shines into the hearts of men and breaks the power of darkness.

I won't stand by
    as the enemy claims his victims one by one
    feeding lies into the minds of those who have never been told the truth
   when I have personally experienced the saving power of Jesus Christ.

I won't stand by
    and let a nation stumble around as a hopeless generation
    the blind leading the blind into a pit of confusion
    when I know the one who can remove the scales from their eyes.

I won't stand by
   as children are abandoned by their parents,
   left on the street to defend for themselves
   when I know the One who is the defender and father of the orphan.

I won't stand by
   and let souls be swept into Hell for all eternity
   forever separated from the One who gave His Son to save them
   when He has given me a mouth to boldly proclaim the mystery of the gospel.

We are the hands and feet of Jesus.

These are some scrambled thoughts that I have this afternoon. My heart is broken for this world in extraordinary ways today. I spent the evening yesterday at our city drop in center for youth, where I have been volunteering for past several months. God is doing some incredible things through this organization, and the more time I spend there, the more time I am in awe of the vast number of broken and hurting youth in this city who are in need of a message of hope and healing!

Partnering with the Holy Spirit and a sister in Christ yesterday, I was privileged to partake in the work of God and bring a glimmer of hope to a very hurt and angry little boy. A boy who is a victim of the world's messed up system, a product of a broken marriage.... who wants nothing more than for his mommy and his daddy to be together so he can have a "normal life"...who believes that it was his fault that this happened, and believes the lie that he is a "total waste of space." (His own words, not mine).

It all started when a good friend of mine who was also there last evening ran into this boy about half an hour earlier... the boy told her about how he was extremely depressed. She tried to tell him about Jesus, but he shut down and refused to listen. When she came and told me about this, I was determined to find him and share my own story with him. My friend and I walked outside and spent some time praying for God to bring this boy to us, for God to break down the walls around his heart, and let us share the gospel with him.

We walked down the street to a group of 4 or 5 boys sitting on a bench. At this point I had no clue that one of them was the boy I had just prayed for. I asked them each their name, and as I came to the boy on the far right who was secluded from the others, he told me with a smirk on his face that his name was "Hosé", to which I replied in a joking manner "No it isn't!! You're lying to me! What's your real name!" The guys beside him shouted "His name is _____!", but I still hadn't clued in that this was the boy I had just petitioned to God about. I was instantly drawn to his mischievous smile, round innocent face, and his Ninja Turtle sweater.

I started asking him questions about his life, to which he was giving me short and abrupt answers. When my friend (who had first talked to him earlier) said "Why don't you tell her about the depression. I know she will understand because she has a story just like it!" I clued in that this was "the boy." Wow, the Holy Spirit was moving already! Talk about an answer to prayer!

He continued to be cold and distant and distracted by everything around him. But when I asked him if he would hear about my story of how God rescued me from my own darkness and despair, and how I met Jesus Christ and experienced Him as a Living Saviour, he started to listen with open ears and slowly began spilling to me the broken places of his heart. We continued to chat and exchange parts of our stories with one another. He began to see that he was not alone in his struggle. I, too, had been there. I knew this feeling of hopelessness, depression, and despair that he was explaining to me. The fact that I could understand him was the first glimmer of hope for him. [God uses our broken experiences to reach those who are going through the same struggles. Don't ever think that your past disqualifies you from being a beacon of light. In fact, as a jar of clay, the more cracks you have, the more the light is able to shine through].

I flipped open a bible and had Him read with me John 3:16, a familiar passage to most of you I'm sure, but to a boy who had never before heard that God loved Him, the words fell on his heart like balm to a bleeding and open wound. After we spent some time more time talking about Jesus,  I asked him if I could pray for him. I sensed in my spirit that there still seemed to be things he was hiding from me.  After I finished praying, I looked up and watched tears stream down his face. Through that prayer, God tore down his "tough guy" exterior.  God revealed to me who I was really talking to. The Holy Spirit prompted me to ask him more questions about his home life, and he told me about how he lived with just his mom because his parents were divorced. He now had to live separated from his dad and some of his siblings who chose to live with his dad. I told him I was sorry that he had to go through this and I was very sad for him, to which he replied, "It hurts me so much." I couldn't hold back my own tears at this point. This was a child who was made in the image of God, but whose image was severely marred by the effects of sin, a child who was longing for restoration, but didn't know where to find it. He told me that he wore a mask of anger, humour, and sarcasm to hide the pain he really felt. I kept pointing him to the cross. It was all my broken heart could do to console him. All the words of consolation I had to offer him were futile in comparison to the message of Jesus' work on the cross.

As we both began to shiver in the cold,  I asked him to look me straight in the eye, listen to me and never forget the words I was about to tell him. With his teary eyes on mine, I said  "You, _____,  are not a waste of space. That is a lie from Satan. God has a plan for your life. Jesus loves you and died for you! He wants to know you and have a relationship with you!"

I was a tangible expression of God's love to him that evening, and in a matter of minutes, his demeanour completely changed. Suddenly his eyes shone a little brighter, and I saw some relief in his tired little spirit. Our conversation ended there, and I asked him if he would take a gospel of John home with him. He smiled, thanked me, and tucked it into the pocket of his Ninja Turtle sweater, a stark reminder to me that though he spoke as one with the experiences and heartaches of an adult, he was still only a little boy.  I don't know if he will ever read it, or how much he will remember about our conversation, but I can only pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to draw him to Jesus Christ and that He will send others to water the seed that was planted. I leave him in God's hands. It is God who must make the seed grow and bear fruit.



This is one story of one boy.

He is one out of hundreds of youth in this city who are in the same position. 

There are thousands more like him in cities across this country. 

There are millions more like him in nations all over this world. 

Will you be the hands and feet of Jesus to one today?

Jesus called them to him, saying, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God."

It is Finished

Today I am thankful for this song. They are singing the testimony of my life.

"Stuck in the mire of a standard too high
Best efforts have left me weary and dry
From trying to trusting, the weight is released
The cross I am bearing You carried for me
 
Caught in the crossfire, confusion and doubt
Entrenched in this trial, too weak to dig out
Redemption came running, with righteous decree
“I finished the work, Child, so fall into Me… fall into Me” 

You did what I wasn’t able
Your child, here at Your table
My heart is truly grateful… I’m Yours"

(Song: Arrested by Grace by WorshipMob)

For far too long, I believed that being religious, going to church, and being a "good person" was good enough. I tried....I tried....and I tried...to be released of the guilt that I felt, thinking that if I only kept "doing better" God would be pleased with me, but my efforts were completely and utterly futile. The guilt remained, and the burden grew heavier. It was only when I found myself buried in a mess far too deep to dig myself out of, that I finally understood what Jesus meant when He said "It is finished!" Child of God, IT IS FINISHED! Do you believe it?  All that you were, all that you are, and all that you are becoming is because of Jesus' finished worked on the cross.

Maybe you are in the midst of your own big mess right now. Stop the self-salvation projects that you have going on.  Whoever or whatever you are using to rescue you out of the mire cannot offer you the tools that you need to claw your way out of the pit. There is only One with the power and authority to lift you out. (Matt 28:18). Everything in heaven and on earth is subject to Him. (Heb 2:8). All of your enemies are put under His feet, including death! (1 Cor 15:27).

Jesus is at the top of the pit, holding out a rescue rope, but He isn't going to force the rope in to your hands. You must choose to grab on to it; and once you do, hold on to it as if your life depends on it, because it does!   Let Him do the rescue work. Do not get part of the way up and let go because you think you've held on long enough. He is not interested in pulling you half way up just so He can watch you finish the job. He is committed to seeing you through until you reach the top. Remember, the way that he chooses to pull you out may not be the quickest or easiest way, but it is the best way. So, friend, if you are stuck at the bottom of the pit, or struggling half way up, cry out to Jesus! He will lift you out and set your feet on solid ground!



Psalm 40:1-4 

I waited patiently for the Lord;
    he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
    out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
    making my steps secure.
 He put a new song in my mouth,
    a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
    and put their trust in the Lord.

You are What You Worship

As I continue to examine the sin of idolatry in my own life, I have been made acutely aware that I am always worshipping. As long as I have breathe in me, I am giving my affection, adoration, emotion, time, homage, loyalty, and reverence to something. This is worth paying attention to, because worship involves sacrifice, and a sacrifice always costs something. I better be sure that what I am sacrificing myself for is worth the cost

Not only that, worship plays a role in shaping me as an individual.  A.W. Tozer says that "whatever a man wants badly and persistently enough will determine his character." Jack Hayford says that "worship changes the worshiper into the image of the one worshipped." In other words, what people see in me is a reflection of the one I am worshipping.

I am made to bear the image of another. It works like this. Worship money, become a greedy person. Worship sex, become a lustful person. Worship work, become a power-hungry person. Worship the approval of man, become a people-pleaser. Worship fitness, become a vain person.

The bible warns us that this will happen. The prophet Jeremiah says that those who follow after worthless idols become worthless themselves (Jer 2:5). The prophet Hosea says that people become as detestable as the thing they love (Hosea 9:10).

I am here to tell you that whether you are aware of it or not, you are always worshipping something. Not only that, but you are constantly being shaped to reflect the image of whatever you worship.  If you are at all concerned about the image you are reflecting,  than there is nothing more important than knowing what you worship. If you're unsure of what this is, it is easier than you might think to determine. Ask yourself these questions:

What do I wake up in the morning for?

What do I make the biggest sacrifices for?

What am I most afraid of losing?

What angers me the most?

What makes me the happiest/most fulfilled?

What do I place my hope and trust in when everything around me is uncertain?

What do I run to for comfort?

What brings me joy, peace, and hope when  I have a broken heart?

Where do I look to for approval, significance, or worth?

When I feel guilty for doing wrong, what do I use to appease my conscience?

My speculation is that something came to your mind in answer to the majority of these questions. If it did, there is something occupying the throne of your heart.

You are a worshipper.

I suspect that there are some of you who have never thought about worship before because you do not consider yourself to be religious, spiritual, or god-believing. You are not one of those crazy people who gets down on your knees in awe and reverence of a deity.  You would never put your life in danger or sell all that you have for the sake of a god. You are getting through life on your own terms, determining your own destiny, and striving for individuality.  But are you really?? Think about it. If you have an answer to any of the above questions, there is someone/something that you are placing your hope and confidence in. That is a form of worship. Your belief that you can live and not worship is false. Therefore, you are actually conforming to someone else's image. This doesn't sound like control over your own destiny or like the power to achieve individuality to me. Your idols lie to you.

 

For those of you who grew up going to church or with some religious background, the concept of worship is likely very familiar to you. Like me, you are consciously aware that everything you do is an expression of worship. My challenge to you is this: Is Jesus Christ the answer to all of these questions? I know for me, He isn't always, and that's a problem. There are still idols in my heart that are taking the place of Jesus Christ, and He is not pleased to share the throne of my heart with anyone or anything else.

Joshua reminds us of this:

And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the LORD, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”

(Josh 24:15)

Choose whom you will serve. There are only two options presented here, the LORD or the gods of their fathers and pagan nations around them. The prophet Elijah, too, warned the Israelites.

Elijah went before the people and said, "How long will you waver between two opinions? If the LORD is God, follow him; but if Baal is God, follow him." But the people said nothing.

1 Kings 18:21

In other words, If I am not worshipping the LORD,  I am worshipping an idol. There is never a moment when I am not serving/worshipping something. 

If you think this is an outdated, Old Testament, pre-Christ problem, think again. Jesus spoke about this very thing.

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also....No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."

(Matt 6:21;24)

Do you see what Jesus is saying here? What you treasure is what you devote your heart [your inner spirit] to, and it can only be fully devoted to one thing at one time. The Psalmist pleaded with God to receive this kind of heart (Ps 86:11)

Teach me your way, O LORD; I will walk in your truth: unite my heart to fear your name.

In other words, he is saying, unite all my powers, affections and desires and concentrate them on one thing, the fear of the Lord. That is the solution to this double-minded thinking. 

A united heart. 

If you are worshiping anything other than Jesus Christ, you are wasting your life. Because I love you and I care about your soul,  I plead with you. Stop wasting your life! Your idols are nothing but liars and thieves. They are killing you. They are making you into everything but the person you want to be. There is a God who cares about your soul infinitely more than any man-made idol that you've conceived in your mind or created with you hands ever could. Trust in Jesus Christ! He died for you and offers you abundant life.

I know first hand that this is not an easy decision to make.  It requires humility, discipline, and sacrifice. It means laying down my idols so that Christ is exalted. It means letting go of earthly treasures to make room for Christ to dwell in my heart. It means submitting to God's will when He chooses to bring me through trial and tribulation so that I can see how worthless my idols truly are.

But it is worth the cost, and I refuse to give myself to anyone but to the one who gave Himself for me.


Ask yourself, what am I worshipping today?

Because whether you believe it, realize it, accept it, or like it...

 You are a worshipper, and you are being conformed in to the image of whatever you worship.

The best choice you will ever make is to allow yourself to be conformed to the image of Christ. There is only one way to do this, and that is to serve and worship the LORD your God only. You do this by loving Him with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength. (Deut 10:20; Luke 10:27)

Three Things NOT to say to Your Single Friends

As a single twenty-something year old woman, I've been given my fair share of advice on how to navigate the (sometimes) murky waters of singleness. Most of this advice has come from well-meaning Christians, and I don't doubt that those who gave me these words of wisdom truly desired the best for me. However, it unfortunately ended up doing more harm than good. What I often received was not encouragement to pursue God with my whole heart, counsel on how to serve the Lord fervently, or guidance on how to find my worth in Christ regardless of my relationship status. What I received instead are what I like to call Christian Formulas. [Do A+B and you will receive C]  I believed these formulas would magically launch me on my way to a life of marital bliss, but that was not the case. Instead I experienced disappointment and heartbreak. These formulas are extremely dangerous because they sound close to the truth, and they seem to work some of the time, but there is zero biblical evidence to back up their claims. The context we use them in are not limited to the realm of relationships, but I want to specifically address this area. I've narrowed my list down to what I think are the Top Three Myth's Christian Single's are led to believe.

Myth #1- When you're content being single, the Lord will bring you the right one.

Myth #2- When you're not looking for him, Mr. Right will find you.

Myth #3- You're far too pretty/nice/sweet/caring/and smart to remain single for the rest of your life. Your turn will come.

The reason I feel so passionately about addressing these myths are 1) I still hear these things frequently (I am also guilty of saying them to others and to myself) 2) This kind of thinking is breaking hearts 3) It portrays singleness like a disease and portrays marriage like the ultimate Christian blessing 4) It turns God in to a wish-granting genie  5) Ultimately, these myths distort God's actual design for marriage.

I will briefly share how this kind of thinking became detrimental to my own emotional, mental, and spiritual health. Typically, when a guy was pursuing me, I believed I must be doing something right to earn this special favour from the Lord. If a guy ever became disinterested or broke up with me, I believed I was being punished by God for some kind of disobedience.  My life became a constant game of do good, receive good; do bad, receive bad. [AKA a formula]  Ultimately, this kind of thinking made me believe that pursuing a relationship would give me significance and that marriage was the ultimate prize of the Christian life. This is idolatry. Christ gives me significance, not a relationship. Christ is my prize, not marriage. I have wasted a lot of tears, experienced many unnecessary heartbreaks, and damaged my relationship with the Lord over the course of my single years due to this toxic thinking, but I cannot go back and change the past. What I can do is choose to think differently now. I can also make others aware of how destructive these myths are in hopes that they will be prevented from making the same mistakes I did.

To better understand what exactly makes these myths extremely dangerous, I will dissect them one by one.

Myth #1- When you're content being single, the Lord will bring you the right one.

Sounds spiritual, right?! I like to think that if I force myself in to a place of contentment, I will be rewarded by God with a handsome hunk on my doorstep. It's gotta be in the bible somewhere.... maybe it's a hidden message that you have to search really hard for to find. If your god looks like the Genie from Aladdin, you'd have a shot at this one, but the God I read about in the bible is not a wish-granting genie. He's not a vending machine where I can put in a deposit of contentment and withdraw out a husband in exchange.

What I am not saying, is that striving for contentment is a bad thing. We should always strive for contentment. Paul speaks about this very thing, but his reason for striving for contentment is very different than what this myth leads us to believe. Paul's reason for contentment stems from the fact that he trusts in the Lord to provide for him in each and every circumstance and Christ gives him the strength to do so.

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:11-13)

This is reiterated in Hebrews 13:5. Here we are told that contentment comes when we are satisfied with what we have because God's unfailing promise to us is that he will never leave us nor forsake us.

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” 

Not only that, but it is also God's will that I be content because His Word tells me that godliness with contentment is great gain [for my good]  because those things will last beyond this passing world. 

But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. (1 Tim 6:6)

No where in scripture do I see contentment being rewarded with a spouse. That's not to say God couldn't bring us a husband/wife (or other things we want) when we are content, but by no means should that be the goal of our contentment. Christ is the goal of our contentment.

Myth #2- When you're not looking for him, Mr. Right will find you. 

Really?! Says who?! It sounds nice, but trust me, someone made this up.  You won't find this one anywhere in the bible. You've probably seen this played out in Hollywood a hundred different ways. Girl has her heart broken and gives up on love. Girl travels the world, pursues her dreams and buries herself in hobbies and books.  But in her adventures, boy finds girl when she least expects it. Boy is drawn to girl because of her mysterious independence and unavailability. Girl is caught completely off guard and tries to resist his wooing because "no, she isn't looking for love!" But it's inevitable, destiny has brought them together, and she must succumb to his romantic tactics and charming ways. He found her when she wasn't looking... and they lived Happily Ever After....

To the world, the above story sounds romantic and cute, but as Christians we are called to live to a higher standard. We are called to cast down every thought and imagination that exalts itself against the knowledge of Christ (2 Corinth 10:5), and that's exactly where this myth comes from; it's merely a figment of the imagination. It's dangerous thinking because like Myth #1, we are buying into the lie that somehow our honest efforts will be rewarded in exactly the way we expect them to be. Again, that's not to say that God won't bring you the "right" person when you aren't looking for him/her, but it is not a guarantee, and it should not be an expectation. 

Instead, we should look at this way. God will bring me the person he has for me as a life partner according to His good and perfect timing, regardless if I'm looking for him or not.  Proverbs 19:21 says: Many plans are in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Psalm 138:8 says that the LORD will fulfill His purpose for me. So, rather than trying so hard not to look, we should fix our eyes on God and seek his purpose for our lives.  My point is this: Don't focus on the wrong things. We shouldn't go on adventures, pursue hobbies, and strive for independence because that will guarantee we will eventually end up married. Instead, we should seek the Lord's will in whatever we do so that whether we are single or married, we are walking in step with the Spirit and fulfilling the Lord's purposes for our lives. 

Myth #3- You're far too pretty/nice/sweet/caring/smart to remain single for the rest of your life. Your turn will come. (Obviously I'm speaking from a woman's perspective, but the same principle could be applied to a man as well: You're far too handsome/manly/smart/strong/charming to remain single for the rest of your life. Your turn will come.)

This sounds like a compliment, and I suppose in a way it is, but it does very little in spurring others on to a healthy understanding of God's purpose for singleness and marriage. If you think I am pretty/nice/sweet/caring/smart, then simply tell me that; but please, don't relate it to my relationship status.

My first problem with this myth is: What if my turn doesn't come? Does it then mean that I've failed to maintain an image that is pretty/nice/sweet/caring/smart? Because apparently those things were going to bring me a spouse. My second problem with this myth is: What about all those people who are ugly/mean/uncaring/dumb that are married?! I know, that sounds harsh, but I'm not meaning it as an insult to anyone. I say it to prove a point. My point is this: being pretty/nice/sweet/caring/smart is not a guarantee you will receive a spouse any more than being ugly/mean/uncaring/dumb is a guarantee that you will not receive a spouse. My third problem with this myth is that it glorifies external beauty and outward godliness. I should not strive to be pretty, nice, sweet, caring, and smart because it will get me a husband. I should instead strive to possess the fruit of the spirit (Gal 5:22-24) because I belong to Jesus Christ. I should strive to have the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit because that is of great worth in God's eyes. (1 Peter 3:3-4). I should strive to have a caring, tender, and selfless heart towards others because it is God's will for my life that I do so (Rom 12:10; Phil 2:4; Gal 6:10; James 1:27; Eph 4:32).

Some general conclusions...


If you are single, do not feel guilty about your desire to have a husband/wife because that is a good desire. I believe that it is God's plan for most of us to be married (Gen 2:18; Prov 18:22; 1 Cor 7:9).  Pray for your future spouse, and ask God to give you wisdom in this area; but do not waste your single years as if it is season to simply survive until you move on to something better.

If you are married, be transparent with your single friends about the joys and the challenges of married life. In no way is it beneficial to single people if you masquerade your marriage in a way that will lead us to believe that marriage is the answer to all unhappiness, loneliness, and insecurity. Hollywood has done enough damage in this area. We need to see examples lived out in front of us so that we are not mislead in to having unrealistic expectations.

Please, forget about the formulas. There are no conditions placed on us that will either qualify or disqualify us from getting married some day. If it's the Lord's will for you to be married, he will bring you a spouse in His perfect timing; and it will have nothing to do with your ability to perfectly devise and execute a prize-winning formula. It will happen because there is a man who needs a help meet and you are a suitable partner for him (Gen 2:18). The purpose of this union is not to make you whole and happy, but to further the Kingdom of God, to be heirs in the grace of life together (1 Peter 3:7), and to reflect to the world the mysterious and beautiful unity that exists between Christ [the groom] and His church [the bride]  (Eph 5:25-33).

Most of all, remember that God has a singular purpose for all of us and that is to be conformed in to the image of Christ (Rom 8:29) and to fulfill the great commission (Matthew 28:16-20). Whether you are single or married, make these two things your goal, and you will be precisely in the center of God's will for your life.

Christ in me, the hope for glory

(Col 1:27)

 

 

I would love to hear from my readers! Drop me a comment and let me know some of your own experiences with these myths. Are there any other myths out there that you would add to this list?? 

Heart Renovations

Your idol is your hope substitute. When anything other than your connection to Jesus Christ becomes your ultimate confidence, you have moved into the realm of idolatry.

As a continuation to my previous post about people pleasing, I want to further expand on the topic of spiritual idolatry by using an example from my own life. I know that what I'm going to share is very personal, and I do not share this to gain sympathy from others or to draw attention to myself.  I believe that God is weaving the strands of my life together to craft a masterpiece. Some of the strands are made of pain and heartbreak, trial and sorrow. Some of them are made of joy and laughter, grace and beauty. As I share this particular strand of my life with you, I hope that your hearts are encouraged.  I pray that you are pushed to know and love Christ more than you already do. 

Demolition



A year and a half ago, I was busy building a life for myself.  From the outside looking in, I had it all; a job I enjoyed, my own apartment, great friends, money to buy all the clothes/shoes/makeup, etc. that I wanted, the "perfect body" that I spent hours shaping at the gym, and a boyfriend who adored me. I woke up in the mornings driven with the hope that once I was married, everything would be truly perfect, and I would finally get the Happily Ever After I always dreamed of.

In one heart-wrenching Skype conversation that all changed, and the life I spent a year building was about to be demolished in a matter of seconds. I had just taken a 16 hour road trip to visit my then boyfriend. We spent the weekend together catching up and going over our future plans together, as we had numerous times before.  He promised me that as soon as he bought a house there would be a ring on my finger. I would then relocate to where he was living, look for a job, and find a place of my own to live until we got married. It was so well thought out, I couldn't see how anything could possibly go wrong; but as I left his place and made the long drive home after our weekend together, my heart became full of anxiety, fear and doubt. I began to question everything. Was this really what I wanted? I "loved" him, but was he really someone that I could see myself spending the rest of my life with? Was our relationship bringing glory to God or to ourselves? Why did I feel so empty and confused? How come every time we made a "plan" there was a roadblock put in our path to stop us from moving forward? Was this OUR plan or God's plan? The thought of not being able to clearly answer those questions drove me to sickness, and as I got home that night I knew something wasn't right with our relationship, but I did everything I could to distract myself from the nagging feeling that told me it's over... because deep down I knew the answers to those questions, and I didn't like them. This relationship did not bring God glory, and this was not God's plan for my life; but rather than being obedient and ending the relationship right then and there,  I held on to false hope and prayed for a miracle.

The next day I went to work with all that anxiety, fear, and doubt still burrowed in my heart. Yet I continued to ignore it. I couldn't bear the thought of losing this relationship. I convinced myself it wasn't over, it just needed a little fixing, but God had something else in mind. A bulldozer was coming straight for me and half way through the day I got a text: "We need to Skype tonight."

Later that evening, it was laid out for me as clear as day. No more questions. I finally had a definite answer. Out come the bulldozer, and I heard the words I dreaded most: "I don't want to marry you. I don't see this going anywhere. We're done." Just like that.... after a year of sharing my heart and life with this person, it was over. After months of planning and prepping, dreaming and scheming, there was nothing left to show for all the hard work I put in,  and I was not going to get my Happily Ever After...

Chiseling

Once the work of the bulldozer was finished, it was time for God to move inward, and He began chiseling away at my hard heart one layer at a time until I was fully exposed; and there, before my eyes, was a shrine of worship set up to the gods of this world. 

I was forced to examine myself, and I hated what I saw. I wondered how I could have possibly allowed myself to get to such an ugly place. It didn't happen over night. This shrine was carefully constructed over months and years.  I was a faithful church attender. I read my bible every morning, prayed regularly, served in ministry, and tithed frequently... If I did everything right, what went so wrong? How could a "good christian girl" like myself turn out to be such a fraud? Why was it so easy to paint a picture of perfection on the outside and be full of deceit and idolatry on the inside? 

It all started with a lie I've believed since I was a little girl. A lie that told me that I would never be fully loved and accepted by anyone because I was undesirable and unlovable; and rather than looking to my Creator to tell me who I was, I looked to created things (Romans 1:25). I dedicated my time and energy to worldly pursuits. I searched high and low for anyone or anything that would give me the acceptance that I longed for; but I was looking in all the wrong places.  Satan wrapped his ugly lies in beautiful and seductive packaging, and I was deceived in to believing that worldly pleasures and earthly pursuits could satisfy me. I became an idol worshiper. My idols were not things you could see visibly with the eye. They did not take the form of a golden calf, an asherah pole, or a carved image. My idols were in the heart.

Ezekiel warned the Israelites about this very kind of idolatry:

And the word of the Lord came to me: "Son of man, these men have taken their idols into their hearts, and set the stumbling block of iniquity before their faces. Should I indeed let myself be consulted by them? Therefore speak to them and say to them, thus says the LORD GOD: Any one of the house of Israel who takes his idols into his heart and sets the stumbling block of his iniquity before his face, and yet comes to the prophet, I the LORD will answer him as he comes with the multitude of his idols, that I may lay hold of the hearts of the house of Israel, who are all estranged from me through their idols. (Ez 14:2-5)

 The prophet Hosea says it this way:

They do not cry to me from the heart [internal], but they wail upon their beds [external]; for grain and wine they gash themselves [ritual and religiosity] and rebel against me. (Hos 7:14)

The prophet Jeremiah reminds us:

I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds (Jer 17:10) 

Do you see the picture here?! The LORD does not care about the appearance of godliness on the outside when the inside is littered with idolatry. We give account to the LORD for what is hidden in the heart.   We must also be aware that idols have an agenda, and it is not a good one. The whole purpose of idolatry is to estrange [cause someone to be no longer affectionate to someone; to no longer be involved or connected with someone; to alienate, drive away] us from the Living God. 

 The psalmist describes idolatry this way:

Their idols are silver and gold; The work of men’s hands. They have mouths, but they do not speak;Eyes they have, but they do not see; They have ears, but they do not hear;Noses they have, but they do not smell;They have hands, but they do not handle;Feet they have, but they do not walk;Nor do they mutter through their throat. Those who make them are like them; So is everyone who trusts in them. (Psalm 115:4-8)

In other words, idols are a counterfeit of the real thing. They have the appearance of a living god [eyes, ears, nose, hands, and feet], but they are nothing more than mute, blind, deaf, immobile statues. Not only that, but as we put our trust in an idol, we start to become like that idol. We ourselves morph into lifeless statues. Therefore, in looking to an idol as a source of life, we are actually handing ourselves over to death. 

And that is exactly what happened to me. I was estranged from God. I maintained an outward appearance of godliness, but my heart heart was far from God.  I trusted in lifeless idols built by the work of men's hands.  I spent so much time and energy constructing a life that looked beautiful on the outside that I neglected to take care of the inside. With all the walls down,  I was forced to look at myself for who I really was, and I hated what I saw. I was a religious pharisee, a whitewashed tomb on the outside but nothing more than dead man's bones on the inside. As my self-created life slowly and steadily slipped out of my hands, I knew that something had to change or I would end up either dead or in a frantic scramble to reconstruct my life with the fragmented pieces of my broken dreams. This would not fix the problem. It would only recreate the mess.  I needed a complete renovation, starting from the inside out. 

Renovations

This is where I finally gave up, fell on my knees, and begged God to take control of my life once again. My idols, now exposed for the fraud's they truly were, became completely futile to deliver me from the mess I was in. I knew it was time to surrender and let God rebuild me.

I was at the mercy of a Holy and Just God, and I deserved to be cast aside as a blemished and impure bride. I deserved to be placed under the heavy rod of discipline until I was beaten back into submission. I deserved to go through the furnace of affliction to be purged of all unrighteousness.

But it was in these moments of repentance that God began to show me a side of Himself that I had long forgotten about. Yes, I deserved those things, and I was guilty before a righteous God, but I found something I did not expect. I discovered a God who was slow to anger and abounding in love (Psalm 103:8) ; a God who would not turn away a broken and contrite heart. (Psalm 51:7). ; a God who wanted to restore me and heal me (Jeremiah 30:17; Hosea 6:1 ); a God who is faithful in all he says and does and cannot lie (Psalm 103:8; Hebrews 6:18); a God who is for me, not against me (Romans 8:31); a God who is not formed or served by human hands, for he needs nothing from us. He is completely self-existing and self-sustaining. In him is the breathe that gives all creatures life (Acts 17); a God who loves me so much that He sent His one and only Son to die for me, while I was yet a sinner (John 3:16; Romans 5:8).

That is a God who is worthy of all my adoration and affections. That is a God who loves me fiercely, heals me completely, and satisfies me fully.

My hands were tied, and all I could do was spend hours sitting in the presence of God, letting him lavish his love on me. The tiring and daunting task of building my own life was finally over;  my only job was to "be still and know that He is God." He whispered ever so gently and lovingly these words to my heart:

"I want to be more than just your Saviour. I want to be your Lord, your Master, your Lover, and your King because you are MINE. I bought you with MY blood. I am jealous for you because you are my precious possession. You've spent enough time prostituting yourself to the gods of this world who don't care whether you live or die. It's time to come home and find your rest in me. "  

As God took me through the renovation process, I was remodelled from the inside out; and for the first time in months, He had me all to himself, and my soul found true peace. That's not to say that everything happened seamlessly, for I had to live with the natural consequences of my sin during my time of rebellion. I also had to constantly fight the feelings of bitterness, anger and unforgiveness that so easily took root in my heart; but God dealt with me in love as he sang this song over me day in and day out.

 “Therefore I am now going to allure her;  I will lead her into the wilderness
    and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will respond  as in the days of her youth,
    as in the day she came up out of Egypt [bondage and slavery].

“In that day,” declares the Lord,  “you will call me ‘my husband’;
    you will no longer call me ‘my master.’

I will betroth you to me forever;

    I will betroth you in  righteousness and justice,

    in love and compassion.

I will betroth you in faithfulness,

    and you will acknowledge the Lord." (Hosea 2:14-20)

For the next several months, God took me on a journey to the center of His heart.  I experienced an intimacy with God that I had never known before. As I grieved the loss of the idols I had worshipped and served for so long, God began to fill the empty and wounded places of my heart with his perfect and unfailing love. It was exactly the balm that I needed to sooth my broken and aching heart.

I was His, and He was mine; a daughter and her King; a bride and her Groom.

Reconstruction

Once God was back on the throne of my heart, He slowly began pouring blessings back in to my life. I got a promotion at work, gained a roommate (who is presently one of my best friends), and found rich fellowship at a college and career group. These were some of the earthly gifts he gave me [That does not mean God is a genie and everything will magically go exactly the way I want it to, and I will get everything I ask for. That is the prosperity gospel. It's a false gospel, and it's a ridiculous reason to follow Christ. It just means that He will supply me with what He knows I need instead of with what I think I need]; and more than all the earthly gifts combined, I treasured the heavenly gifts He gave me. I learned that my confidence, worth, and beauty are found in Christ alone. He gives me significance. He is all my hope and peace. My future is secure because God is sovereign over my life. In Him I find amazing grace, divine love, and lasting joy.  I discovered that I am most content and satisfied when I am living for an audience of One. He is the unmovable and unshakable rock that my house should be built upon.

By no means do I claim to have it all figured out. I am a work in progress, and I know that my story is not over. There are chapters to be written, and there are many strands yet to be woven into the picture of my life before it is a finished masterpiece. I still continue to struggle with idolatry, often falling into patterns of sin and giving in to the lusts of my flesh; but I  have learned that what Christ most desires from me is obedience motivated out of my love for Him because He first loved me (John 14:15; 1 John 4:19). I can delight in obedience because I am his child, and He is a loving Father who knows how to take good care of his children (Luke 11:9-12).

I encourage you, as Paul encouraged the Thessalonians, to turn to God from idols to serve the living and true God! (1 Thess 1:9).

"And we know that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true; and we are in him who is true, in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life. Little children, keep yourselves from idols." 

(1 John 5:20-21)

Confessions of a Chronic People Pleaser

Saying "yes" to leading something, attending something, or making something

[I hope I get some recognition for this... This will definitely make me look more spiritual. I have been feeling kind of useless lately, this will give me a sense of purpose. This will really show *insert name of person I'm trying to impress* that I am capable of anything. My boss will be super impressed that I'm so eager and motivated.]

Saying "no" to  leading something, attending something, or making something

[They are going to think I'm completely incapable/lazy/incompetent. This will make me look selfish and self-absorbed. If I don't do it, no one else will. Now I feel guilty, what if they don't find someone else who can do it; I should have just said yes!]

Your biggest fear in life is having someone "not like you" 

[What do you mean *this person* said they had a problem with me. Did they tell you why? Was it something I said or something I did? Once i know what it is that I said or did, I will make sure that I never say/do that thing around *this person again*]

Your greatest concern when having people over for a meal is whether you made something that EVERYONE enjoyed eating

[While observing your guests your thoughts are racing: Why did he take a second helping of the turkey and not of the mashed potatoes... does he not like my mashed potatoes?! I knew I added way too much garlic! Why did I even add garlic. Who likes garlic anyway?! I'm the worst mashed potato maker there ever was!!]

After calling "in sick" for work (I am ACTUALLY sick, puke my guts out kind of sick) 

[I wonder if people will think I'm just faking it. My coworkers probably think I'm weak/lazy. I should just suck-it-up and go anyway; the guilt of staying at home wondering what people think of me is worse than going to work feeling deathly ill]

Confronting someone who did/said something that hurt me 

[Bringing this up with *that person* could potentially cause more conflict. Conflict is uncomfortable. I should just let this go. I'm probably being oversensitive anyway. What if  I hurt *this person's* feelings and I end up creating a bigger problem than was there to begin with]

Having someone confront me when I did/said something that hurt him/her

[I can't believe I did something to upset this person! Especially when I tried to hard to please him/her. I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about the fact that I've offended this person who I care so much about.]

                             ....and the list could go on....

I wish I could say that the reason I know these are the thoughts that go through the head of a people-pleaser is because I've read a books about people pleasers, and I've talked with others who are people pleasers; but this isn't the case. The reason I know these are the thoughts that run through the mind of a people pleaser is because I am one. Yes, these thoughts seem extreme and *slightly* exaggerated, but I would not be stretching the truth to say that at some time in my life, I have thought all of those things. I am that person who considers how wonderful people will think I am if I say "yes" to that project that I know I really don't have time to complete. I am that person that lives with gut-wrenching guilt every time I say "no" to someone because they may be disappointed in me. I am that  person who does everything in my power to ensure that I am "liked by all people at all times" even if it potentially means compromising on what I know is right. I am that person who too often avoids conflict and confrontation because it's easier to hide the pain I feel than to worry about hurting someone else's feelings. 

I am a people pleaser. 

If you relate to most of what I said, chances are that you may be one, too. If not, maybe you are married to one, or work with one, or gave birth to one. Either way, at some point in all of our lives, the disease of people pleasing rears its ugly head. It's completely mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting. It's a battle that can never be won because life experience tells us that there will ALWAYS be people who aren't pleased with us; they may have a problem with the way we dress, the way we walk, talk, breathe, laugh, sit, stand, drive, park, bake a cake, cook a chicken, paint our kitchen... etc... (You get the picture! ) My point is this: People pleasing is a dead end street. You are a hamster running tirelessly on a wheel. You cannot win. You might come close. Maybe you please 9\10 people the majority of the time, but what about that one person who never seems satisfied with your performance? (I assure you, there will ALWAYS be that one person). 
The tricky thing about people pleasing, is that there are many ways it can be justified.The actions themselves are often not the problem.  Isn't it good to be well-liked by others? Isn't it admirable and selfless to make time for that person/project when he/she needs me? Isn't it godly to try to avoid conflict and be at peace with all people at all times? Doesn't it make me a good hostess when I go out of my way to make the food my guests will like?  Isn't it honorable to want to be a reliable employee who consistently shows up to work?

At surface level, the answer to all these questions is "yes." It is admirable to volunteer your time and resources and help out when you are needed. It is godly to do your best to live peaceably with all men. It is gracious to learn the likes and dislikes of your guests so they are comfortable and well-fed. It is honorable to work hard to earn the respect of your employer.

People pleasers are often well-liked. They tend to be faithful friends, hard workers, and peacekeepers. There is usually a pay-off to being a people-pleaser. That is what makes it incredibly addicting. It looks so good on the outside. 

Why then, as a spirit-filled Christian, do I feel a strong conviction in this area of my life. Why am I making a big deal of this?

Firstly, if it is not dealt with, it becomes a toxic virus that spills over into every area of your life. It will affect your relationships with friends, your family, and your coworkers. It will affect how you approach ministry opportunities and how you share the gospel with others. Secondly, it brings a list of other sins with it: Dishonesty, jealousy, pride, unbelief, fearing people rather than fearing God, hypocrisy, cowardliness, manipulation, and unforgiveness (to name a few).Thirdly, people pleasing, at its core, is a form of spiritual idolatry

It is a heart issue; 
It is a worship issue;
It is Lordship issue.

That is a big deal.

Keep in mind that people pleasing is not a new problem. The apostle Paul was well aware of how easy it is to fall in to the trap of people pleasing. He warns us in Galatians 1:10 

"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am i trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ."

That sounds harsh (and it is), but there is hope! The Holy Spirit is willing and able to help us overcome this sin (Romans 8:26). If you repent and ask Him for help, He will begin changing your heart from the inside out. This is a process and not something that happens over night. I have felt the power of the Holy Spirit in my own life regarding this area. As I continue to work through this issue,  I see God changing my heart. As I begin to make pleasing Christ my aim, the opinions of others matter less and less.  I know that I have a long ways to go, but I remain hopeful, for I am confident that He who began this work in me will finish what He has started! (Phil 1:6)

To be continued...